From My Grandmother in Jerusalem...

The President of Iran was wondering who to invade when his telephone rang.

"This is Mendel in Tel Aviv. We're officially declaring war on you!"

"How big is your army?" the president asked.

"There's me, my cousin Moishe, and our pinochle team!"

"I have a million in my army," said the president.

"I'll call back!" said Mendel.

The next day he called. "The war's still on! We have now a bulldozer, Goldblatt's tractor. Plus the canasta team!"

"I have 16,000 tanks, and my army is now two million."

"Oy gevalt!", said Mendel. "I'll call back."

He phoned the next day. "We're calling off the war."

"Why?", asked the president.

"Well," said Mendel, "we've all had a little chat, and there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."